Man Of A Thousand Sighs

 

Some days all I see is the rain

Filling the sky,

Consuming my life

And I am sinking

Amidst the storm

Drifting far from shore.

 

Some nights all I want is the rain

Filling the night,
Haunting my life

Like a professed friend

Who wounds

But never leaves

And during the downpour

I fight again the scars,

Each stronger than before.

 

Oh heart of turmoil

When will you again know

A breath spent in respite

And exhale a sigh of relief

Instead of a groan of need?

 

When will the shadow of shame

Cease from lurking behind me

With its menacing eyes

And whispered threats

Echoing in my mind

From an unending appetite of greed?

 

Will my truncated hope

And broken faith

Ever be healed

In a soul restored?

 

How much longer

Must I only cope?

Can I only wait?

Will I ever escape

The feelings of fear and discord?

Is there nothing more?

 

Winds of frustration and confusion

Blow through and rattle my soul

Like a simmering squall

Yearning to become a hurricane.

 

I am overwhelmed

By thoughts of all I am not

And all I do not have,

Finding no purpose in my name,

No place to rest my head,

Or solace to claim.

 

My breathing grows

Ever more laborious

My life

Ever less glorious

I yearn for something

Besides my stories

And history

Of falling down,

Of drowning

From never learning to swim

Or steadfast walking with a faith

Secure in Him.

 

The exhaustion is rampant,

My charity dormant.

Delusion opens its arms

Smiling with gigantic teeth

Salivating with malicious intent

And promises of beauty

It cannot give,

Its lies

Choking the breath of my desires

Exhorting its best attempt

At extinguishing the flame

Of truth’s fires.

 

Finally upon its unhurried departure

I am left lingering

Bruised and alone,

Absent of all I have been withheld of.

My arms once full of dreams

I sold my self to

That can not be atoned

Crumble to pieces in my hands

Amid unsatisfied demands

That yet remain.

 

Another night awakens,

Like a vagabond

My thoughts chase memories

That will not surrender

To new ways,

The smiles that didn’t last,

The pain that dismantles

And dismembers.

Wandering to a cliff of doubt

Breathing heavily

At the darkening clouds

No celestial light

To remind of the Creator’s intentions

My heart lacking any hope

Worthy of mention

Yielding to the despair

From the grievance

Of another day hated,

Another night wasted

On no pomp

And all circumstance.

 

My soul melts for heaviness

My strength is spent

And body worn

From the disquietness of my heart

I am feeble and forlorn

In the trenches of my own making.

 

Lord, all my desire is before You

My groaning not hid from Your eyes

You are not unaware

Or without care

Strengthen me according to Your Word

Even if my lips fail

Or I still fall.

My heart pants for relief

Found only in Thee

In the multitude of my thoughts

Your comforts will delight my soul.

 

Even if a thousand more sighs

Are required

To walk a thousand more steps

I must grant You

More than a moment’s audience

But ever seek Your presence.

I believe; help my unbelief

With every step trod

No matter the success of my efforts

Or slowness of my cadence.

 

Disdaining every thought that nods

In any other direction

Than Your affection

Hesitating at all hesitation

Praying through every frustration

And potential outcome

With the help of the Spirit

That cannot be overcome

In my weakness

I will still confess

Despite my life’s shortfall

You are my only hope,

The restorer of my soul,

The redeemer,

And resurrector from the dead,

My glory,

And the lifter

Of my head,

The only one

Forever worth it all.