A Prayer Of The Apathetic Man

Though I find these confessions hard,

They are hardly unnerving

(At least not yet.)

I am not unable but unwilling

To say what I am needing.

I cannot even muster the strength

To wrap a tourniquet

Around my faith

To stop the bleeding.

 

I could but won’t lift my eyes

To seek the greatest Prize

Of any search.

Instead, I am willingly distracted

By the choices I have transacted.

My only feeble attempts

Are to justify my excuses

Of failing to try

For fear the effort

Will be another worthless lie

Among prayers nearly non-existent.

 

My senses are dulling

With every uncontrolled thought

My heart is barely mulling

Its increasing hardening by the hour

And the one thing I can’t feel

Is Your love’s power

Overshadowing me,

Reminding me of what’s real.

 

Checking the chains

I see they are still there

But ponder why

I don’t care enough to care.

Their song lulls my soul to sleep,

A slumber that benefits no one,

That induces dreams of doubt,

Numbing pains that are never gone,

And wares of sin to buy.

 

O gracious Lord,

I have fallen in love

With apathy

Instead of You.

I’ve spent my time

Digging a pit

I can’t get out of.

Truly I am guilty of the crimes

Of unfaithfulness, disbelief,

And the wrong surrender.

In thy wrath, remember mercy.

Oh awaken my soul,

And revive me again

That I may rejoice in Thee.

Place the truth of Your Word

In my inward parts

As a fire in my bones.

 

Create in me a clean and new heart,

Restore the joy of Your salvation

And a ceaseless wonder of Your Name.

I beseech Thee,

Accept my humble presentment.

Save me from the misery of apathy,

Its false contentment,

And unfulfilling bread,

Heal me of this degradation

So I will no more be ashamed,

But live as one ever alive from the dead.