The Evening Wolves

Traversing slowly home
In the gloaming
With shadows of the day yet chasing me
I finally escaped from the heat
Of the stress factory
Masked as productivity and profit.
After a long day left my ego bruised
And my faith unused,
I yearn for nothing more
Than the silence
Of a peaceful meal and restful slumber.

Looking at actions and choices past
In the mirror of my memory
I want so much to see
Decisions deserving of mention,
And results worthy to last,
Instead of questions about my intentions.
Lying down while counting their number,
I find I’m not the only one
Whose appetite has made its presence known.
Something is prowling beyond my sight,
But not my hearing.
A howling in the dark
Whose refrain will not cease,
Inhibiting my sleep,
And preventing my peace.

The evening wolves have awakened
Seeking their prey,
Craving someone to devour.
Lurking ever nearer
Their relentless wails
Command attention I long not to give
And remind me of miseries
I long not to relive:
That ill-advised choice,
Those cutting words,
A litany of murmuring and complaints,
Outcomes and failures
That make my heart ache
And my soul bow down and faint,
Time I let pass by without purpose,
Wasted chances,
Ignored remonstrances.
Choices made only on the surface
And not from the depths,
With no thought of consequences
Have broken my spirit.
Your Word warned me of the dangers,
But I would not hear it.
I refused all You’ve bidden me
For pleasures forbidden
That have cast me into near obscurity
And the shadow of death.

The agonies of self-inflicted afflictions
Have ensnared me in confusion and contradictions
And left me without quietude and benedictions.
Weary with my groaning,
The night lost in sorrow,
I make my bed to swim with my tears.
The wolves mirror my moaning,
Their voices growing stronger
And overtaking mine.
Every thought is holding me captive,
I can think of nothing else
But their demands and strife
And fear their presence and power
More with each passing hour.
Threatening my life,
Determined to leave nothing until the morrow.

O forget me not God!
I hope in thy mercy
In spite of myself.
Make no tarrying
Deliver me speedily
And be a house of defense to save me
From my enemies,
From memories abhorred
For they are more than I can afford.
Set a wall of fire round about me
That my soul may breathe and think clearly.
Let me rest under the shadow of Your wings.
O Father of Lights and Giver of all good things
Grant me grace to forget
What is behind me
And press forward to what is before!
O spare me
That I may recover strength,
Before I go hence and be no more.