The Gloaming (Poetry Version)

Photo by Amos Bar Zeev on Unsplash

In the twilight of faith
In a darkening hour
When the wick is all but spent
I have become
A reed bruised
But not quite bent.

With pain that screams louder
Than the Name
I have only heard rumors of
In my haste
I let my hope leave
While I continue to grieve
My former dreams
Now all but absent.

With few steps left to give
And little of my own power
Somber slowly grows the hour
As I begin roaming
Searching for answers
Beyond the life I have lived.

It’s a race against
The setting of the sun
With time losing patience
Running after freedom
Has left me breathless.
Have I stopped running
Too soon?

Are pain and suffering
All I will ever know?
Just how long in the tooth
Will this affliction grow?
Will it yet linger and remain
And I ever be lost in this travail
As I watch my enemy prevail?
Will I ever truly know
Freedom’s Name?

I need to
And breathe in
Start again
And breathe out.

Amidst the dirt and mire
Desperate for more
Casting off the mud
I sold myself to.

In order to reach for
The One infinitely higher

I need to
And breathe in
Start again
And breathe out.

Crawling so long in humiliation
In the shadows
Hiding from the crowd
So overwhelming and intimidating
Seeking salvation
Beyond everything I know
And for all I have been waiting

Staring down the fear
Staring back at me
Has left me wary
Carrying the weight of my worry
Has wearied me
Thoughts I’d rather not say
Have harried me
And filled my life
While fueling my strife

I need to know
That the reasons
For patience
Are more than excuses
Borne of consequence.

Glaring through
The monotonous eyes of suffering
Has left me nearly blind
From wrath and disappointment
And nothing worth offering.

The clanging of my chains
Has deafened me
To any melody
But the raging tide
Of hopelessness and shame.
Hope and faith dissipate
With every drop of sweat
If the best is still to come
I don’t know it yet.

Will I ever hear
The songs of deliverance
Compassing me about
Filling my lips,
Freeing my heart?

I must
And breathe in,
Start again
And breathe out.

Finally I realize
Even the gloaming
Shall be light about me
For no breath
Spent chasing You
Is spent in vain
No time spent seeking You
Ends in shame.

Despite my strength waning
You remain everything I am needing
And everything I am wanting
Fragile though I am
Weak in every way
The colors of the sun
Yet shine the Name
Promising healing of the pain.

So as I

And breathe in,
Start again
And breathe out

I lift my voice
Above the murmuring and moaning
And make my only choice
No matter what is left,
To strive one more step,
One more moment,
To reach You
Until the gloaming
Is no longer
The waning of the light
And ushering in of the night
But the reason I rejoice.

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